This type of psychological functioning which one always puts the other before oneself is widespread. Psychologists sometimes call the subjugation. Some victims are fully aware and others much less. When you put the needs of others before your own, you put yourself in danger psychic. Because your needs are in the background, are never satisfied and that this prevents you from being happy ...
The liability prevents them from being happy
Lucy is smiling, pleasant, popular with others. This is the kind of person always available and ready to serve you, sometimes even before you have requested. She is also studying psychology because it is very interested in the thoughts, the feelings of others.
It is open to trade and empathetic and will certainly become a great psychologist.
But Lucy lives in a relationship with Gerard, and, as she imagined becoming a clinical psychologist, to consult and help people in trouble, her friend encouraged her to register to become a psychologist instead of work. "There are more opportunities, it's better paid" to him he said.
Lucie, however, not very enthusiastic followed his advice, not because he was convinced, but because, basically, she is afraid of displeasing him. "After all, when we couple the two decisions are not you?" Says Lucie to be convinced of having made the right choice. Lucy would have preferred to study medicine to become a psychiatrist, but her parents discouraged "For a woman, it's too long, too difficult." And Lucy did not dare to contradict them. In another area, Lucie loves the clothes a little extravagant, bright colors.
But Gerard's holding back, explaining that he finds it ridiculous and flashy, so she ended up dressing in colors black, gray or chocolate to avoid attracting derogatory remarks. It works well, but it often feels angry inside against him.
Lucia leaves subject. The reality is that his companion advises parents too, but they could easily accept that Lucy responds "You think so, but I think otherwise. The medical school, it suits me very well, the colors bright, it makes me a good mood "and his entourage leaves the easy living life as it sees fit.
The fear of not being loved ...
The type of operation that guide Lucie is in the bottom of a fear of not being loved, accepted. This is what often felt by people living on this way of thinking. They feel that if they conflict with someone, if they are not nice, we do love them more, they will be neglected.
The engine of this operation can also be the fact of wanting to prevent others from suffering. They believe that if they act badly towards others, they result in suffering which they feel responsible. So, they feel obligations to others, obligations they set themselves.
Sometimes you may be aware of and work, say "but why I always listen to others why I feel compelled to be overly helpful, why then I forget that I am always there for others Why can not I stand up for myself? "
But quite often, that kind of person is not conscious of being subject to the other. She is so used to functioning with a kind of altruistic morality which says "The other count much more than you. You always think of others before thinking of you" that it becomes second nature.